Tales from Uncle Remus (apologies to the author, the part of Brer Fox will be played by Brer Rabbit)
Brer Rabbit had a problem. He had been elected to be leader of the Free Forest after defeating grumpy old Brer Bear and his running mate Brer Cuckoo Bird, but lately it was a hard life in the forest. So Brer Rabbit set about first thing to fix the healthcare system of the forest. The ideas he was able to get passed by the Critter Congress weren’t all that good, but they were a big improvement over letting the predators run the system. They tended to eat the sick, especially the middle-class animals who they hated most awful.
The animals running for Brer Rabbit’s job came from the predator class and were competing to see who could tell the biggest lies about Brer Rabbit and about Rabbitcare (a name that was supposed to make the dumber animals in forest think it was bad). Brer Fox spent a lot of money making the dumb animals dumber. Even Brer Wolf over at Critter News Network (CNN) joined in whenever he could. Mostly they just didn’t like the color of his fur.
The contest for the animal that would race to get Brer Rabbit’s job was down to just three: Brer Weasel (he had made his money raiding hen houses and “re-structuring” them); Brer Polecat (he liked to cheat on each of the former Mrs Brer Polecat when they got old and sick); and Brer Rat (he was just a rat in a sweater).
One day Brer Rabbit had an idea: the new healthcare law was going to require the all the insurance companies to provide litter-control for all the animals in the forest equally, and he knew some 2% of forest animals really hated the idea and would do anything to stop it. While it was true that employers who provided health insurance had been required to do this for the past 12 years, the predator class wasn’t really into history so they didn’t know this.
So Brer Rabbit made a “baby” from a lump of tar and told the animals of the forest that this baby would provide litter-control free of charge to all the animals of the forest, and their employers’ insurance would be required to pay for it, even businesses that were owned by churches (this was already the law, but shhhh, don’t say anything).
Immediately, Brer Weasel, Brer Polecat, and Brer Rat ran out from the thicket and attacked the Tar Baby with much hatred. The female animals of the forest weren’t very happy about their right to healthcare being attacked, but the attackers didn’t care. They were going to destroy Brer Rabbit once and for all. Then Brer Rabbit came out from the briar patch and announced that the churches wouldn’t need to pay for litter-control. The insurance companies would pay for it directly, since it actually saved them lots and lots of money by providing preventive care.
Then Brer Weasel, Brer Polecat, and Brer Rat looked up and realized they were stuck to the Tar Baby and they looked very stupid. The female animals of the forest saw them in a whole new way. Brer Rabbit chuckled and hopped down the road to the finish line.
Follow Bruce Enberg at www.prairie2.com
