Welcome back to another edition of Field Guide to Humanity: The Strange and Puzzling Account of Homo Confusus.
This time out, we tackle the political animal (Spotlightus Selfinterestus) yet again, continuing to fine-comb through behavioral traits and observations, examining myth and lore, and then on to some leap-of-guesswork field scrutiny to discover the innermost secrets of this strange and almost disturbingly gregarious tribe.
Political animals, as you remember from last time, come in a handful of subsets, with two main co-ruling -- and constantly warring -- parties: "Republicans" (Boneheadus Maximus) and "Democrats" (Spinus Missingus).
Each subject shares a number of general behavioral adaptations within the larger group, as we have discussed. One group excels in many of those traits specified previously: obfuscation of facts, denial of responsibility, blockading and obstructing the forward motion of other groups, instilling the fear of others within tribal members under their hypnotic control, acting out of altruism (rare) or greed (typical), and so forth.
Today, we focus on "Republicans" (aka Facepalmus Floorus) and a few of their many subgroups. It is important to immediately mention that this group has many more chameleonic shadings than others so far encountered. Many sightings over time are required for proper and accurate placement within scientific organizational charts.
For example, the one known tribally as "Newt Gingrich" (aka The Rotund Confabulator), at first appearance, could easily fit into any of the 493 known subgroups based on a host of behaviors and foraging activities observed.
However, it is only through repeated exposure over time to both become immune to its peculiarly mirage-like fascinations as well as to properly define its correct placement into the subgroup Primus Selfus.
Core behaviors are best demonstrated over time. Thus, The Gingrich has passed through any number of recorded phases, as have almost all members of Boneheadus Maximus. Like The Gingrich, it is not uncommon for members to pass through dozens of phases before core traits become an obvious, core set of the individual.
Thus, temporary, and incorrect, assignments for The Gingrich have occurred in the Trinketus Pluckus, Goofus Ballus, Partius Animalus, Honorablus Husbandus, Changus Gawdus, Professus Sincerus, Studus Hopus, Claptrappus Legislatus, Screwballus Extraordinairrus, and the twin subgroups of Takeus Monius / Andus Runus, among many, many others.
(In all cases, please refer to RealLife (TM) materials supplied separately for additional information.)
Only an infinitesimal few begin and end their journey in one subgroup. These subjects seemingly transcend the limitations of subgroup and genus, often soaring high above the ordinary trajectories of Humanus Confusus. Two such rare subjects, for your comparative studies, are the well-documented "Abraham Lincoln" (Riftus Balmus) and "Dwight Eisenhower" (Patrioticus Warnus).
These subjects soar so high that tribal members are often confused by such actions, feel dourly threatened by such plain and humbling greatness in their midst, that tribe members simultaneously deify these individuals, then promptly forget the lessons provided.
Clearly, Boneheadus Maximum is strongly and solidly bonded together, despite its many subgroups, by a number of activities common to all. One is the providing of ritual sacrifice to their many gods, such as PAC, SCOTUS, and KOCH, as well as to their equally numerous demigods, such as Ayn, Grover, Rove, and Gold.
Another shared activity is maintaining zero tolerance for members who show the slightest signs of creative or individual thought. Members insist no daylight be observable between any of them, once bonded together -- a recognizable, although ultimately self-limiting, strength.
Religion is an additional, albeit hotly contested, issue in the tribe. Despite the plethora of gods and demigods served by Boneheadus Maximus as a whole, individuals also seek to enlist the personal assistance and protection of others. Doing so shades, but does not change or divert behaviors; however, it does provides members a transitory sense of comfort or safety.
Subgroups here truly abound, with this category growing faster than any other. Only the hyper-expansion of the Grabbus Allus movement within the tribe has maintained consistently higher numbers of subgroups -- a feat no one thought possible until Reaganus Hypnosus.
A recent sampling of the burgeoning, rapidly multiplying subgroups shows the ongoing strength of the Goddus Divinus growth trend: Biblus Thumpus, Sciencus Condemnus, Spiralus Eyeus, Reasonus Rejectus, Chickenhawkus Squawkus, Flintstonus Timelinus, Gunnus Insanus, Abortus Criminalus, Santorus Hypocritus, Bachmannus Psychotus, Gayus Refusus, and Kolobus Bizarrus, to name only a few. Shockingly, hundreds more exist.
And yet, despite the overwhelming popularity of Boneheadus Maximus, no clear answer has yet emerged to explain its success. For example, when tribe members have been asked what leaders have done for the everyday tribal member, they are unable to respond after a long period of thought. The interview invariably concludes with members calling interviewers "communists," and shrieking that they "want their country back."
Other aberrations are indicated. One example is the group preoccupation to obtain, at all costs, the record of birth for one member of Spinnus Missus -- an inexplicable, never before seen, unprecedented preoccupation of one group upon another. Possible explanations for the unheard-of behavior include mass hallucination and slight, minor appearance differences from the majority of Boneheadus Maximum members. Propaganda implants and peer insanity are also suspected.
Another disturbing offshoot is the breakaway branch, Mathematicus Nonsensus (previously categorized as Snakeoilus Destructivus), in which members attempt to gain advantage over lower-echelon group members by convincing them reserve stores are larger than they are, and by promising more than can be possibly achieved and delivered as stated.
While harmless during holiday season sales, the vigor and complete saturation of the new movement's ideals has parasitically infiltrated the basic living systems of tribe members, such as falsely promising a simultaneous reduction in personal tariffs during an increased time of conflict -- a ploy used by an earlier Boneheadus Maximus to dire effect.
If not stemmed within the group in a major, self-correcting action, an unhealthy minority number of members will maintain control of a majority of the group's resources. It is likely this minority group (Haveus Allus) will continue to increase its demands on others (Haveus Littlus) via its absolute ability to present or withhold rewards, and massive unrest will result.
Another challenge to group dynamics is in the insidious form of reality denial. Little is known about this newly-emerging subgroup, suggested at the time Quackus Palinus was first spotted in the wild, which then quickly evolved to Quittus Palinus, and then to Teabaggus Crazus.
This group believes almost nothing of any other subgroup around them, save for some affinity maintained with members of Goddus Divinus and Mathematicus Nonsensus. The group's main method of communication is saying "no" repeatedly, even when not asked questions by others.
Members of Teabaggus Crazus also contradict known facts, choosing to instead believe whatever fantasy or myth is generated for them by a select group of interpreters and go-betweens whom they refer to as Foxus Noseringus-Leadus, and treat as a mix of prophets, entertainers, and "special friends."
(See: "Effects of Television's Bogus, Insidious Intimacy and the Problem of Illusionary Friends It Creates in the Mind-Blank.")
It could be, that with time, Teabaggus Crazus will merge with the broader Delusionus Specialus group, and break away from Boneheadus Maximus and create a new, major chapter in the evolving drama that is Spotlightus Selfinterestus and ultimately, Homo Confusus.
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Please join us next time for a continuing look at national subgroups, such as "Libertarians" (Wackus Selectivus), "Greens" (Hopus Eternalus), "Independents" (Whereus Areus), and on Spinus Missingus, as well as the hundreds of state subgroups, including the "Modern Whig Party" (Aspirus Pragmaticus), "Pirate Party" (Whatus Heckus), "Objectivist Party" (Randus Obscurus), "Marijuana Party" (Enoughus Saidus, aka Smokus Bowlus), and more.
Be sure to bag your quota of sightings. Until next time: Happy Spotting!
Political Parties in the US: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_political_parties_in_the_United_States
-and-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_parties_in_the_United_States
Modern Whig Party: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Whig_Party
Pirate Party: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pirate_Party_(United_States)
Objectivist Party: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Objectivist_Party
Marijuana Party: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Marijuana_Party
