At long last, we have a path for possible success, a template of civility to use in treating many terrible and ferocious maladies, such as runaway, take-no-prisoners, violently predatory, vulture capitalism -- even on sports hooliganism, too.
That we have to teach civility in society says quite a bit, right out of the gate, uh, right off the bat. That is to say: Right from the opening kickoff.
The NFL has made its pre-game announcement to football fans: If you're tossed out of a game for unruly, drunken, violent behavior, be prepared for the ref's penalty call. The truth of those consequences: a four-hour, online course, at 75 bucks a throw, before anyone will let you back in and welcome you into the civilized fold.
Those who run the online course get 55 bucks of the fee, but a flat 20 bucks does go to charity. Once the online course is adapted to deal with criminal capitalist behaviors, we can tack on a few extra zeroes for those financial prima donnas, for those monetary heroes on the sporting field of asset battles: 50 billion dollars, say, with all proceeds going to charities, minus nonprofit operating expenses.
The NFL-mandated course teaches arrogant drunken bullies how to behave in public without making too much of an ass of themselves or their species. There is no word yet on any similar program for players on the field having identical or even marginally similar challenges. The course for capitalists, however, is incredibly extensive -- almost as complex and lengthy as one for modern-day war criminals who masquerade, then as now, as some sort of heroes.
The football-fan course has many topics that include alcohol abuse at its core. There's also stress management and communication skills, too. These may be suggesting better ways to help fans shrug off a key loss than kneeing the local drinks-and-snacks guy in the groin while getting some hot nuts or a refill. The corresponding topics for capitalists and war mongers involve managing fears, greed, and the insecure sense of self, among countless others.
One segment of the footballers' course is called, "Skills for becoming less impulsive and improving judgment." Back to the aforementioned groin again, one would think, at the least. For the financiers and draft-dodging saber-rattlers, the course is enormous, including "How to get along with and not topple governments and countries," and, "You can learn to stop killing people who are different from you."
A sample, true question from the sports test: "Behaving badly towards other fans, such as fighting, swearing, or threatening them, is OK as long as they deserve it." Here's hoping you said, "False." If so, you have civility to burn -- have another beer, whatever time of day it is, wherever you are.
Sample questions under study for the robber barons' and war lovers' tests include instruction and re-affirmations that people and governments are not just bugs to be squashed, that all countries and cultures deserve respect, and that no person of any age should be raped and then blown into biological mist. These are novel concepts in this group.
In the NFL test, those who cannot get 7 of 10 questions correct are arrested for trespass if found at another game. The security chief of MetLife Stadium in New York, where the Giants and Jets play their games, also requires an official letter of apology to boot, before fans can get back in to watch anyone boot around, throw, or carry a ball. The financial-domination and war-perpetuator courses require decades of hands-on community service to absolve them of their games, and sheaves of letters from banks of psychologists before they are allowed to freely roam anywhere again.
Dr. Ari Novick, who created the NFL course and also runs one for Major League Soccer, told the New York Post, "We're not trying to squash anyone's passion. We're just trying to say don't be violent." The greed-mongers' and war-makers' courses say much the same thing, along with some rules pioneered by all-you-can-eat buffets and Depression-era parents: Eat all you take. Don't be stupid. Leave something for others. Make do or do without. What's wrong with you? And, Because I said so, that's why. A zillion other good ones, too.
Rowdy, raucous, and even riotous fans on the one hand, and then alleged people who want violent results in owning, running, and/or destroying the world: Aside from the spendy suits and executive hair in one group, and the two-tone, temporary facials and forehead tattoos in the other, it's all a matter of degree. It's difficult to disguise unruly, violent, drunken, bully-boy, killer-instinct behavior for very long.
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The tests for crass capitalists and war criminals, by the way, are done in the nude and are heavily proctored, knowing how much fun both groups have cheating the system any way they can. The tests themselves last for only one calendar year, and are taken in seclusion -- while living like a poverty-avowing monk, sleeping on straw in stone rooms, eating cold gruel, clad in burlap, allowed only wooden sandals, justifiably shunned by civilized humanity and society. The online course prep itself can be done in as little as 14 years, for those who require little or no sleep.
Upon graduation, the Re-Admissee must compose an apology letter to his or her own country and countrymen, and to the people and countries of the world, then read on global teevee. The letter will be judged by hard-line, steely-eyed judges from all walks of life, who hold large, numbered cards, like those used in scoring Olympic events.
The odds here are better than binary, better than go-or-no-go, or pass-fail, and surely better than the Colosseum's thumbs-up or thumbs-down, although many fans in the stands would politely croon and root for the lions, no matter what. Fail the civility course -- graduates need to meet or break a judges' score of 9-point-oh -- or, uh-oh, they must do the entire course all over again, and at only twice the original price.
This process of readmission to a sane and civil society, of course, was long ago named -- waaay back in 2015, I think -- "creative destruction," and "creative motivation," and "pulling oneself up by one's own bootstraps."
Those shameless war criminals and tireless looters of countries had been very well acquainted with those very same terms -- they had been using them for decades on whole populations, you see, trying to use them as magic words and excuses for whole ranges of uncivilized, terrorizing behaviors.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/american-football/17726443
http://espn.go.com/blog/playbook/fandom/post/_/id/293/inside-the-nfls-new-fan-conduct-class
