No, we won't be going down into the basement dungeon with these goons -- we've heard all about these gory, gut-wrenching, gut-slashing movies -- but we will walk down one or two stairs, shine the flashlight around, see if they've added any new chains to the wall. Looks like it's all the same stuff down here -- except for the half-finished, half-hearted start on clasps with Idaho's state seal.
Most everything is still in place, here in the dungeon of the legal rape of women, a museum of GOP achievements, coming between women and their doctors. Still legal to rape women in Texas with forced sonograms, under a law passed by 15 men and 2 women, all wielding black arts and books of spells. Virginia's waffling around, first plunging in probes, now retreating to on-and-around -- but, rape is still rape, no matter the degree, at least, by any definition of hell on this Earth.
There will be more copy-cat, piling-on later, you know how this works with inhumane humans, so eager to add to the list. Formerly pseudo-sane places will be right along, like Pennsylvania -- home of the Santorum -- and Alabama, Georgia, and other viper pits of unabashedly stout religious fevers and fervors, snake-handler style, speaking in tongues, mostly forked.
So many demon invasions! Demon possession comes to mind as the only rational explanation for the exploding levels of Republican insanity around issues of women's health care, and in so many areas of the country, and all at once!
Of course, they've always been mad, these religious, right-wing, bats-in-the-belfry slugs -- but they've turned up the volume on their insanity this year from 8-point-3 on the dial, on up to 27,439 and a half. They would have gone higher, but, in all their lusty, excited, over-heated, monkey-cranking of dials and knobs, they broke all the controls clean off.
Then again, maybe the explanation is not demons, but, as usual with Republicans, just money: maybe these GOP demons, under the guise of religion, have made kickback arrangements and sweetheart deals with the makers of vaginal probes and sonogram machines -- following the dance steps of the cushy Michael Chertoff deal, getting an ex-Homeland Security Chief to spiv and spiff those non-detecting, nude-body scanners to TSA as part of the slavering kibuki theater in airports, coast to coast. The slipped in the shiv, gave it a special twist, there.
Any woman wants an abortion, you can just hear it now from these demon-possessed Republicans, out to bring their special blend of religion and fascism to every facet of American life: We can't beat her in court, say the demons, so, we'll have to get a cut of the special testing action, and throw a scare into women about who's really the boss around here!
And, look at that: Just like black magic, all these invasive probe-scanner bills spring from the loins of the earth, so unlike Mother Nature, these unnatural growths in GOP think tanks, all these Venus fly-traps of legislation cropping up, force-fed on human blood.
But, there are still a couple bright spots, signs of brave souls who have spotted these demons in Republican clothing, and known them for who they are, and dared to fight back. In Virginia, for example, a rectal probe amendment was put forward, but failed to pass. It would have required men to experience a cardiac stress test, a special poke -- somewhere high and inside, in terms of baseball -- before carting off a scrip for those little blue pills.
In Oklahoma, an "Every Sperm is Sacred" bill failed, but not before making its point -- point being, in that legislation, that any and every application of sperm outside a woman's vagina would have been a crime against the unborn.
And, in Georgia, there has been a sublime act of satire and revolution, made against the trial-by-fire demons that so inspire desire of these Republican male shells and their continuing shell games of control, via faked religiosity, and all that their pomposity allows. A Democrat, a hero, sought to do battle with demons there: Congresswoman Yasmine Neal sought to flip roles, making a sweet point, being female, and banning all males in Georgia from obtaining vasectomies. It hardly gets much better than that, poking male lawmakers in the eye with their own fifth-century logic and patronizing interruptions and interpretations of what the other gender's health care should be.
From the press release, here: "Thousands of children are deprived of birth in this state every year because of the lack of state regulation over vasectomies. It is patently unfair that men can avoid unwanted fatherhood by presuming that their judgement over such matters is more valid than the judgment of the General Assembly, while women's ability to decide is constantly up for debate throughout the United States."
Georgia House minority leader Stacey Abrams added, "The Republican attack on women's reproductive rights is unconscionable. What is more deplorable is the hypocrisy of HB 954's author. If we follow his logic, we believe it is the obligation of this General Assembly to assert an equally invasive state interest in the reproductive habits of men and substitute the will of the government over the will of adult men."
Who knows how this opening counter-salvo will shake out -- but, you know these little devils inside these great big Republican men: Their demons will make them keep trying, over-reaching more and more, until we can exorcise GOP men from the demons that keep pushing them harder, under cover of religion. As you may or may not know, demons are restless entities, and want to get into as much trouble, fly up into as many faces, conquer as much new terrain as they possibly can. You may have noticed the contagion spreading like wildfire, wholesale-demon-possession of Republican male legislators, all of them suddenly charging around with their hair on fire, positive they themselves have the only possible answer. It is, at least, the only answer their religious, right-wing demons will allow.
In the end, to these demons, legal rape, once instituted as law, gets pretty boring, loses its juicy, shock value to them. It makes us wonder what these hellhound, religious right-wingers will attempt to do next, these demonic Republicans, always in their Sunday best, ready to leap into any pulpit, try to electrify their congregations using stale double-A batteries, instead resorting to staler mumbo-jumbo mumbling about their deity's supposed intentions around here -- as interpreted, of course, by wolves in sheep's clothing, demons driving around in GOP bodies.
We could make a few suggestions what they might try, as absurd humor, but we don't want to give these lamebrains any ideas they'll feel a need to rush right out and try. Demonic trolls and masquerading malignancies like these have no sense of humor, you see -- it's one of the foolproof ways anyone can use to spot demons hiding out in these macabre spectres sporting an "R" after their names. Easier still, of course, is using those handy-dandy, alien-spotting sunglasses, if you happen to still have some around, left over from that movie, They Live.
Meanwhile, all over these United States, the demons are alive, breeding like crazy, inside the GOP -- undercover agents from Hell's nether-most regions, all dressed up and packaged like religion, ready to take every last one of us to snake-handling church, like it or not.
