Can we please activate the Z-ray, or whatever, and right now, puh-leeze, so the nation will take a break from being so incontrovertibly insane? We find re-fishing these foul and fetid political waters disgusting. We really dislike disturbing the decorum with, well, anything Santorum.
But, Mr. Ricky can't seem to shut his face, has to bite at the air everywhere, like a crazed snapping turtle, trying to find a flipper-hold, trying to get a hold of something. So, here we are again, trolling these waters, holding up some more trophy whoppers we've pulled out of Liars' Lake. Mostly, we're just perplexed at the run of little fish in this big pond. Don't let any of this slop get on you while you're taking the pic.
By way of beginning, here's King Solomon, and Proverbs 17.28, and, Ricky, we have a former member of your party, Mr. Abraham Lincoln, who'd like a few choice words with you: "'Tis better to be silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt."
We'd hoped to suggest you acquaint yourself with this passage -- but, silly us! In your world, Bibles are only for thumping all the rest of us on our heads, thwacking us to do as you think should be done. You use your holy book to rouse and round-up all the knee-jerk, push-button, hot-button voters. You don't use your holy book as an instructional manual to show you how to act and be in this world. Rick, you should be ashamed of yourself, but we also know that will never happen to your infallible, egocentric, puffed-up, fabulous sense of You.
Case in point: Tricky Ricky spoke the first week of February at American Heartland Forum, in Columbia, Missouri, and here is what he said: "In the Netherlands, people wear different bracelets if they are elderly. And the bracelet is, 'Do not euthanize me.' Because they have voluntary euthanasia in the Netherlands but half of the people euthanized -- ten percent of all deaths in the Netherlands -- half of those people are euthanized involuntarily at hospitals because they are older and sick. And so elderly people in the Netherlands don't go to the hospital. They go to another country because they are afraid, because of budget purposes, they will not come out of that hospital if they go in there with sickness."
Rick, that's a first, even for a Republican: The only thing you got correct in that insane rant of pure fiction is that there is a place called the Netherlands, and that there are older people and hospitals there. Ricky, you have been handling dead fetuses too long -- you are seeing death panels and death cults everywhere you go. We are stunned and astonished your pants have not erupted in hellfire, you pathetic little liar. You should be ashamed, but we know you are not. We know you are far beyond that. We begin to suspect you have SS uniforms closeted at home, that you enjoy polishing the death's-head insignia, slowly, late at night, in secret, all alone.
The sane people of the Netherlands, meanwhile, which is to say, almost every one of their number -- unlike the 'States, where insanity is viral and rampant as flu-driven hives and head lice among the crowded and cabin-fevered -- are phenomenally outraged and astonished such bald-faced lies could emit from anyone's mouth as such infected speech. Only deepening their shock and horror is that of our own, knowing that such things are said by -- wait for it, now -- one of the leading candidates for President to this nation, one with the most war toys on the planet.
Santorum, we'd say you're a weasel, but that would demean weasels everywhere. In the words of South Carolina's Joe Wilson -- another shining beacon of Republican ignorance and stellar dolthood -- who shamelessly shouted at a sitting U.S. President addressing a joint session of Congress, "YOU LIE!"
Here, of course, it is said in fact, launched dead on target, it is true. Now, you have another Republican liar's words heaped on you, too. That is one heck of a belief in God and the Bible you are showing there, Ricky. Your fans are not likely to notice -- they are as crazy as you.
Ricky has also pleaded with the media to cast him as a Washington, D.C. outsider, hoping to inherit whatever value there may be from the empty descriptor. Still, Rick, being an insider is all you can be, after you've lived and worked in a place for some years. Just another lie, ho-hum, pretty routine for this guy. You do remember cashing all those nice, six-figure checks you got for your inside perspective on things, as a consultant. You remember, that, right?
Every blow we take from the lying breath of these blowhards thumping us with their Bibles demands we rally back, demands we ask a clear answer to this question, "Why are you lying -- didn't God tell you not to do that?" If that feels too confrontational to you, asking for a civil explanation of lying from a person who wants a public position of power over us all, here's another version: "Show us where in your copy of the Bible it says you should do that!"
We encourage this simple question be shouted and chanted back unendingly to all of these Bible-banging chumps out whanging us, out on the stump. We should be every bit as merciless with their lies as they are being without any mercy to the truth.
You see, for them, only a job is at stake. For all the rest of us, and for the whole world, all our futures could be riding piggyback on their damned lies, bobbing and weaving toward the finish line. Ricky would dump us off in a heartbeat to make his heartless trip that much lighter, helping him to run faster, laughing himself crazy, all the way to the bank.
