The following is an open letter to the French Ambassador to the United States, His Excellency, Francois Delattre: Dear Mr. Ambassador,
Our countries have a long history together. And, we Americans are not particularly gracious in granting any nation any gratitude -- or even, any latitude. (This recalcitrance could be the result of our being a still-adolescent nation, one with inflamed hormones and short attention spans, and a terribly self-centered upbringing.)
In any event, your country and its good people have done without our thanks for long enough. To correct our cloddish oversight, we write this letter, forwarding you the sincere and unrestrained gratitude of a good number of Americans, ordinary citizens, just little people, who are readers or history, witnesses to all the fine gifts from the French, and all through the years.
We must first, however, apologize for all the quacking-mad lunatics stacked high within our borders, and assure you we will do all we can, as citizens of good conscience, to not let them escape or leak out, so they won't dribble their foul bile on your beautiful and civilized land.